what might happened..

i cried when i saw your text..

"i want you to be strong"

i know but it's hard..outside i am a girl who wears soldier's green pants, wore sneakers and sport shoes instead of heels or wedges, wore shirts instead or blouse or dress, but inside like tyra said, i am more sensitive and somewhat immature. yes, i want to marry you but knowing that my mom asked me to focus on my study, even though the didn't mind about us, still it hurts. it makes me scared. i don't want them to reject you. i'm scared of losing you. i'm scared of everything. i don't want to be separated with you. i don't want to end like my parents. no. i may look like get used to it. but it's not. it's a total no. i can't be strong.

i' sorry. i don't know what to do

strabismus

what is a strabismus? or some people called it as 'squint'. well, it is a condition where someone's eye is not aligned in one another. malay people called it as 'juling'. yeah. juling. it is a disease that i have since i was a kid but lucky me, i have 'juling air' which is not so obvious. but sometimes. it can be so tiring and painful. like now, i was doing some exercise on my eyes and i can felt my muscle is stretched forcefully. it makes me felt so tired and dizzy.

i used to say hi to every people i bumped to but it stopped because i realized that when i say to them, they will look back, look back in front facing me and said

"ko kata kat aku ke?"

it was like...damn! i'm talking to you ok? i was pretending that it looks ok, nothing is different but somehow i felt sad. it annoys me until now. i supposedly to have get used to it because it has been more than 10 years i had this condition. still, i was quite unhappy about it even though i had to admit, i'm the one who does it to myself. it's a long story. anyway, i really hope that one day i will have an eye surgery to fix it. to be honest, it is scary. but i just can't stand it. it really make me tired. i have exam. i need to study. seriously its bugging me.

few nites before exam

exam? totally not in the mood

sleep? yup

eat? done

study? not in the mood -.-"

in love? of course! ^^

haha...ckp psal love, nk kawen mmg no1..haha..well, "he" had late lunch with me and my family last time and it was ok..at least i know that he is accepted in the family.. i mean that my family doesn't mind me making friends with him..and they know about us..so i am superbly happy..but he is quite uncomfortable with it.. but it's ok..for me, it was more than enough..

we didnt talk much about that day because he will start to get sad/angry..so i dont want that thing to happen as we're in exam mode..kinda? haha..

hope for the best and pass this exam.. i wanna get marry.. PRONTO!


*time ni la digunakan sebaiknya untuk berangan and merapu ^^

early in the morning

currently it's 6.30 am..not sleep from 2.00 a.m..thought of waking him up but i failed...thinking about it back, let him sleep after few temps (not a few actually)since he help me with some stuff..put the desk in place and others.. poor him i have gave him a hard time..i guess lepas ni x ngadu2 la kot? huhu..

bosan selama 4 jam 30 min alone in the room with my sleeping roommate..cover some notes though.. ^^

and being early in the morning like this makes me think about stuffs again..tears come out, again *sigh

anyway, lets go to class. get prepare!

#note 5

i want to get marry. A.S.A.P.

2 weeks

alhamdulilah it has been about 2 weeks since the first day i wear this tudung labuh and im so happy about it ^^ well, im not the alim kind of person. though i wear tudung labuh it doesnt mean that im alim or whatever you might call.. im just comfortable with it... ireally did..
i still remember my mother started to make faces when i arrived at putrajaya..my dad didnt say anything, which for me is a good thing. at least his does not condemn or critic or such.. then it started where my mom ask me why i wear it..kan menyushkan la...suh pkai tdung express je la (which is a big NO!!!) mcm2 la...mls nk ckp...dah la tdung express 2 npk bntuk kpala and rambut..and i kind of dislike it to be honest...

mlm 2 jemput my brother and dia kata

"mak, sejak bile yaya jadi muslimah ni?"

and she replied

"entah, setahu mak, mak x hantar anak mak kat maahad"

and she started condenming again....sakit ati 2 ada jugak la kan, yela mak sndri ckp cm2...she not being supportive.. my adik2 just said

"kak ya, napa kak ya pkai tdung labuh?"

i just smiled.. they are just kids ^^ well.. kat kolej plak some says cantik, dah stat pakai tdung labuh..but so far..no critic or stuff...even org yang dok mengata dlu pun dah stat tgur, ckp hi and etc..its good..xde la rasa dendam sgt ^^ ok..no dendam anymore hahahaha..overall, it was very nice..

and im so addicted to see scarfs which is sell online...they look so cute!! ^^ and im so happy that with the help of him, i bought 2 of them from hijabformuslimah.blogspot.com. TQ DEAR!! ^^ well, there is lots of other websites but for now let just wait for these 2 ones..cant wait!! ^^

see ya in next post.